His slow, quiet, and patient demeanor and his way of accepting everyone were indicators of what a kind man he was.  He did the same small good thing for a very long time.  But Mister Rogers the celebrity — who by all accounts was the same as Fred Rogers the man — had to work at it. Every day. He admitted as much in his counsel to everyone about what it takes to build relationships:

"Mutually caring relationships require kindness and patience, tolerance, optimism, joy in the other's achievements, confidence in oneself, and the ability to give without undue thought of gain. We need to accept the fact that it's not in the power of any human being to provide all these things all the time. For any of us, mutually caring relationships will also always include some measure of unkindness and impatience, intolerance, pessimism, envy, self-doubt, and disappointment."

Mister Rogers wasn't perfect. None of us is. He worked hard on his humanness: He would swim laps each day at the downtown Pittsburgh Athletic Club near the studios where he filmed.  He would aggressively watch and keep his weight at 143 pounds.  He would at times strongly bang notes on the piano to give off frustration and express anger. He would pause and offer silent prayer and meditation for those he had met and encountered.  He read the Bible everyday.  He by no means was perfect.  And yet he gave an incredible insight and roadmap into living a life of kindness showing us what the Golden Rule is all about. 

In the film A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, Tom Hanks portrays Mister Rogers. Now, if you know anything about the actor Tom Hanks, it's that he is widely considered one of the kindest people in show business.  So much so that, according to a recent New York Times article, a journalist who attended a panel suggested that Tom Hanks is just playing Tom Hanks, but “slower.”

"But the slowness of Fred Rogers — the un-self-conscious, considered slowness — was hard, Hanks said. It felt ridiculous when he first tried it out. He studied hours of tapes, because sometimes he couldn’t imagine that he was supposed to go this slowly… 'It’s a combination of procedure and behavior that was singularly Fred Rogers.'”

But there's something to that notion of needing to slow down. If the worldwide pandemic has taught us anything, it’s that we are going way too fast. When everything is calling us to go faster (work, technology, calendars, etc), perhaps we all could simply slow down the brakes, pause and appreciate.  When you need to weigh things in your mind, you need peace and solitude to allow that to happen.  And you need to choose deliberately what you'll do. Do unto others what you would have them do unto you. Maybe when we slow down we can see each other as “people” and not things; we can interact with one another instead of just swiping or scrolling on to the next thing.

It's up to each and every one of us how we choose to respond in life’s situations.  Every situation involves some level of emotion, and it's easy to simply react in the moment. But Mister Rogers, in his deliberate, reflective way, at times like these, would ask himself one simple question that guided his response: "What would be the kindest choice?"

Kindness doesn't happen unintentionally. You need to direct yourself there. And in those quiet moments of reflection, consider how those on the other end of your response might react.  What would our lives (and even world) look like if we all asked that question of ourselves each day: What would be the kindest choice?  Would we engage in road rage?  Would we shout and scream at our spouse and/or kids?  Would we get into shouting matches over differences in political ideologies? Would we give the silent treatment to family members or friends who seemed to have wronged us? Would we gossip and talk ill of others? Would we not forgive? 

If you're unkind or abrupt, how will that ripple effect into other people’s lives? I often ponder what Anna, Peter and Liam think of my use of words and how that impacts the way they think about the world or themselves and how they in turn will use words with others. At times I let my impatience and anger get the best of me. I may take out things unfairly on them or others for something that was my own fault.  I know I fail at times with Amy being short and curt instead of thinking thoughtfully through my words weighing how they will affect her.  Names do hurt.  Our word choice can have lasting intentional or unintentional consequences.  Do unto others what you would have them do unto you.

Kindness. Empathy. Patience. These are some of the tenets that guided Mister Rogers every day. And they can guide us too.  Fred had many great quotes about life, faith, kindness and love.  Once he quipped, “There are three ways to ultimate success: The first way is to be kind. The second way is to be kind. The third way is to be kind.”  It sounds so elementary and so basic and yet isn’t a heavy dose of kindness what we all could put forth in this world?